Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
