K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
