listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
