I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
