Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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