Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
