The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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