Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
