I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
