All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
