I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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