I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
