man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
