hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to sanitize my soul.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
