..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
