Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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