you should give me head with plastic fangs in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
