his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
