wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
