Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He has the fingertips of a God
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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