I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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