a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
