Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
