i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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