The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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