We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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