oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
