We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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