It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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