Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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