you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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