you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
