This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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