If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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