Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
