Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
