arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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