I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We talked him into tasing himself.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
