drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
