Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
