quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
