It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
