just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So much Jack, so little girl.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!