Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday