She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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