i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
