haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
