Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
