Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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