my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
