Can i not drive my cunt home
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
