Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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