I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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