yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
