Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
