he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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