I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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