I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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