Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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